I can text with my tongue
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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