best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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