The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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