He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
