i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
