Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
