oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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