DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
