pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
