: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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