You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
