I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
