Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
