I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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