After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
