i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
