Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
