so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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