I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
