You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
its liver damage thursday
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
