You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
