I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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