Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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