Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
