I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
