That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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