Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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