Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
