I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
