Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
