i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
