wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
