there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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