your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
