like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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