In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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