I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
