I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
