Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
