Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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