I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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