This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
