How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
