I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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