why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
