She is in my trunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
