My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
