Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
