so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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