I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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