I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
