do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Shame is for Republicans.
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