it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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