the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
