we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
