Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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