Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
